Who is the cheat?

Men claim women are more susceptible to cheat; women assume it is only natural for men to cheat. The accusation and counter-accusation goes on and on and sometimes deepens into a war of the sexes – for those on the extremes – as much as it deviates from the entire goal of trying to expose the cheat and such behaviors, irrespective of who it was, in the first place. Interestingly, after much is spewed, we still revolve back to the unsolved puzzle; who is the cheat?

Well, the cheat could be the man, the cheat could also be the woman. The cheat is basically anybody who pledges whatever commitment in their relationship than they could afford. Not only is a cheat the one who defiles their matrimonial or sex bed, the cheat is also the one who, consciously or unconsciously, create loopholes in their relationship as well as encourage such defilement; whether it remains a possibility, becomes a reality, or comes unstuck.

Having a partner is one thing, ensuring the safe-keep of your partner is another thing. Once the green light is given to another who plans on dislodging your partner, automatically, a cheat has occurred. Whether the green light was faint or bright, it is worthy to know it leads the other person on thereby causing them to put negative pressure on your relationship, which could be dangerous given the scheme of things.

If eventually you find that person that makes you see no reason to find another, then whenever another comes knocking your relationship door, whether as an initial friend or as a contender for the place of your partner, it is best to politely turn them down with the satisfaction and guarantee that what you have is good enough and eliminate any signs of future vacancy to avoid lurking. In that case, there would not only be drastically reduced arguments and accusations of who the cheat is but rather a celebration of the relationships we make for ourselves.

I welcome your thoughts.

12 comments

  • This is a wonderful post and addresses an issue that causes the degradation of many relationships. If one cannot be faithful in a relationship, said person should not commit to one in the first place, much less make another person believe they are willing to be committed. It would save everyone involved a lot of unwanted heartache and hardships. Not only that but if one is in a relationship and find they don’t want to or cannot properly invest what is needed in a relationship they should break all ties instead and not give the “green light”, faint or blaring bright to cheat or welcome a stranger into their heart. It seems that the reason why a green light is given at all is because there is either a perceived lack of trust the cheater feels and so finds someone else to trust in or there is perceived sufficient trust from their partner and feel they can get away with cheating. And whether it is a justification for one thing or another the fact is that cheating has complete disregard for the other person in the relationship. If one does not see the treasure that should be cherished, then there is no chance of the relationship’s survival. Great post!

    • Well said, Tekia. This line of yours brought it all home:

      “And whether it is a justification for one thing or another the fact is that cheating has complete disregard for the other person in the relationship.”

      Thank you for contributing. 🙂

  • I luv dis post, its quite interestin, cos as humans we argue abt dis a lot n @ d end still remain confused…..I luv d last paragraph mostly….turnin dem dwn, doh in reality is preti difficult

  • Nice piece, I appreciate this line “the cheat is also the one who, consciously or unconsciously, create loopholes in their relationship as well as encourage such defilement” but it is more complicated than you’ve painted, how do you politely turn a friend down when his/her intention is not known? Do you realise lovers unconsciously gives green light without knowing? Loneliness, lack of attention, attitude to mention but a few can trigger unaware loopholes. I think it is not enough to tag someone a cheat base on mere friendship.

    • Hi Samed,

      Like you rightly said, sometimes intentions are very well concealed, no doubt. However, if such intentions are to be manifested, they would be unveiled at some point thereby automatically activating the barrier to entry/penetration from the one who wouldn’t want to cheat.

      More so, although green-light can be unconsciously given due to internal (from self) and external (everything else) factors it is important to always pin-point what stands paramount. If it is the relationship, then such factors that unconsciously pave way to green-lights should be nipped by the bud by proper reflection and/or dialogue with the partner. Otherwise, instead of remain and eventually get swallowed up and forced to cheat, one might as well end and move on.

      Conclusively, being friends with someone doesn’t mean cheating but it is the signal you give in that friendship and how it may affect your relationship negatively that makes for cheating.

      Thanks for your thought-filled comment.

      • Base on your classification (external and internal), most of relationship issues were influenced by external factors but little internal factors. It is nimble to understand that at those points where intentions were made known by this sudden amazing friend, it is a point of no return for most women, therefore, relationship fraud is established with guilt. This strategy has been proven to incapacitate most women and only few with the right relationship perspicacity couple with the degree of their love for their partners can refute this sudden amazing friend.

        Most of relationship issues are caused by the foundation on which it was built, people get involved because he/she is good-looking, no extra effort to comprehend the person better and when things get out of hands, they find something to blame. I think it is better to say someone that unconsciously encourages their partner to cheat and the partner that cheat are both a cheat. Not the amazing friend that seized the moment, remember there is no smoke without fire.

        • With all you have said, it falls back to this line: “The cheat is basically anybody who pledges whatever commitment in their relationship than they could afford.”

          Thank you for your input.

  • Very beautiful write-up, for me the high point is in this sentence ” Once the green light is given to another who plans on dislodging your partner,
    automatically, a cheat has occurred”, sometimes ppl think that its only when u have a direct affair, that is when one cheats.

  • very beautiful post emmanuel, i loved the last paragraph very, very much.

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